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1993-?

Know then thyself, presume not God to scan
The proper study of mankind is man.
Placed on this isthmus of a middle state,
A being darkly wise, and rudely great:
With too much knowledge for the sceptic side,
With too much weakness for the stoic’s pride,
He hangs between; in doubt to act, or rest;
In doubt to deem himself a God, or beast;
In doubt his mind and body to prefer;
Born but to die, and reas’ning but to err;
Alike in ignorance, his reason such,
Whether he thinks to little, or too much;
Chaos of thought and passion, all confus’d;
Still by himself, abus’d or disabus’d;
Created half to rise and half to fall;
Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all,
Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurl’d;
The glory, jest and riddle of the world.

Alexander Pope

Heartbeat a thousand of a second 

Will you define the culprit here

Lets remember all the measures 

for the shaking hands my dear

The ticking has a strange direction

So little focus such clear line

Can not sustain communication

With the weight of my own life. 

Taken modafinil today and funny enough my first task of the day was to go to the gp. Turns out i’m prone to the side effect and panicked  lot about the tingling shaky and lightheaded feeling that overcame me. Broke down in tears at the place so here comes an anxiety attack. Such a strange mind set don’t remember my though processes. Got a friend to pick me up home was too panicked in case ill faint on the way. When getting on my laptop remember typing erratically but still can’t put together my actions in a linia way today. I am still awake my heart still feels like it’s racing and i can not say i have been very productive with work as id get interested in another task that will take away all my attention. Such as writing this. Kids be careful with the stuff being a stimulant can though your body into overdrive, not a pleasant experience. I don’t understand how people can take this every day it has definitely effected my mental state. 

I kissed your mouth your back
Is that all you need?
Don’t drag my love around volcanoes melt me down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me

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